Cancer: It doesn't have to be scary

 Introduction:

“You have cancer". These three words can turn people's lives upside down. For some, cancer is caught quickly and able to be treated. Unfortunately for many others, treatment is either not an option, or not successful. The cancer experience is different for each person affected, which makes it difficult to know what to expect and how to prepare for the journey through cancer. It is incredibly important to support those who are living with cancer. Nearly 50% of Canadians are diagnosed in their lifetime and nearly 100% of Canadians are impacted by cancer in some way. Every year the Canadian Cancer Society devotes the month of April to their Daffodil Campaign and fundraiser which strives to unite and rally Canadians to support and remember those affected by cancer. In addition, this campaign strives to instill hope in those currently battling cancer with the proceeds going towards research to help better detect, prevent and treat cancer. Throughout my 20 years, cancer has had an impact on my life as I’ve watched close loved ones as well as people in my community battle cancer. I felt compelled to write this blog because I wanted to share with you the impact cancer has had on my life and introduce you to someone close to me who received a diagnosis of cancer. 

Shave for the Brave

When I was younger, I began to learn about cancer through the work that my mom did with cancer survivors. However, it wasn’t until I had the opportunity to participate in a special fundraiser called Shave for the Brave when I was in fifth grade that I began to understand what cancer is on a deeper level. Shave for the Brave is a campaign and fundraiser organized by Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC) that encourages Canadians to raise money for young adults battling cancer. There were many different ways that students and teachers could actively participate in Shave for the Brave at my elementary school, from shaving their heads completely, donating 10 inches of hair or participating in the “cut-back” challenge. The “cut-back” challenge required individuals to ask people in their lives to give up a habit that costs money for one week and donate what they would have spent on that habit to YACC. As I could not bring myself to shave my head and did not have 10 inches of hair to donate at the time, the “cut-back” challenge was how I participated in Shave for the Brave. On the day of the assembly, with the entire school cheering, hairdressers and students from kindergarten to grade 8 took to the stage. With music blaring, heads were shaved and locks were cut. I can still feel the positive energy that radiated that day, not only in our school, but throughout our small town. In our home, my mother and two brothers were shaved bald, and I was going without daily treats.

My Mom’s Cancer Experience

Little did we know, but my Mom’s experience with cancer would soon become a lot more personal. It wasn’t until my Mom was diagnosed with breast cancer in my final year of high school that I really began to understand the impact cancer can have on people. While preparing to write about this topic, I asked my mom how she felt when she first learned that she had cancer. My mom said that when she was first diagnosed, she wasn’t scared of cancer or concerned for her well-being because, through her work, she felt confident that she had the knowledge and support she needed to set herself up for a smooth journey.  She replaced the typical ‘brave face’ with a positive attitude filled with optimism. Her biggest fears came from a place of worry as to how my brothers and I would react. The term ‘cancer’ is such a threatening one to most so she worried that our young minds would instantly assume the worst and fear for her life. After a lot of thought, she had carefully selected her words, sat us down one evening, and slowly and confidently said “I am fine. It’s going to be a challenging year. But I have cancer”. 

I will never forget hearing those words leave my mother’s mouth and the instant feelings of fear that took over my body. I immediately thought, just like my Mom feared, that she wasn’t going to be okay and I was losing my Mom. I felt helpless, like there was nothing we could do to prepare my Mom for the year ahead of her. I felt confused as to why my Mom appeared to be so calm and relaxed and it wasn’t until a few months into her journey that I understood why. Throughout my Mom’s journey her life appeared the same to the outside eye. She continued working full time, coordinating working from home around treatment days. She continued to cook us home cooked meals regularly and continued to care for my brothers and I in every way she did before her diagnosis. It didn’t take me long to realize that this was because she was okay, just like she knew she would be and there was no reason to be scared anymore. Throughout my Mom’s whole journey, this mindset remained the same and allowed her to continue to live that 18 months to the fullest. She was tired, the house was a mess and we did more than usual. But she was lucky with a cancer journey that was less disruptive than most.  

Fearlessness

My Mom’s confidence and fearlessness was truly inspiring and made the world of difference in my experience through this journey. Due to my Mom’s composure, it didn’t take me very long to let go of some of the original fears that I felt. My family came together and we were able to support my Mom in the most positive and beneficial manner. It was also through the support she received from her friends and family that helped make her journey as smooth as possible. She felt that everybody wanted to help her in one way or another and when she didn’t need anything, the people around her took it into their own hands. For example, when she returned from chemotherapy one day she discovered one of her friends had snuck over and removed  all of the dandelions from her front lawn simply because it would make her smile. When my Mom looks back on those 18 months, she does not pity herself or remember feelings of fear. In fact, she says “It was an event in my life. Mixed in with all the good and bad, a little worse, very different but just an event. It was an event that exposed the strength that I and my children have”. 

My Mom; Dr. Heather Palmer

My Mom, Dr. Heather Palmer, has her PhD in neuropsychology and has spent her career studying the brain, specifically brain/ behaviour relationships. She develops programs to help people improve how they think, feel and function. Before she began working with people living with cancer, the majority of her work was with seniors.  One day a cancer survivor heard her doing a radio interview discussing a cognitive enhancement program she was running for seniors experiencing age-related cognitive challenges. When this cancer survivor called into the show, she explained that the symptoms my Mom was describing sounded similar to hers and that she hoped the strategies my mom was sharing could be applied to her cognitive challenges.  My Mom began working with the organization that this cancer survivor was a part of and her work took off from there. My Mom specializes in neuroplasticity, which is the brain's ability to build new connections and/or repair existing connections to enhance how it functions. It is through this body of research that she has developed age and cancer related cognitive programs. While more than 5000 people have participated in her programs, the most compelling validation for her work came when she applied her approaches to herself during her cancer journey. Feel free to check back to this blog in a few decades and I will let you know if she personally validates her age-related cognitive programs as well :). 

Conclusion

I have had the opportunity to learn about cancer and how it impacts those who are diagnosed, their family and friends. Being part of Shave for the Brave at a young age helped me understand the number of people affected by cancer and gave me the chance to contribute to something that supports them. Shave for the Brave will always be a very special and inspiring memory for our family. In our house cancer is not a bad word, or a scary word. It is a word that evokes feelings of gratitude, pride and unity among family, friends and our community. Not too dissimilar to my summary of 2020 in a previous blog for our family cancer was a gift wrapped in barbed wire.  

Here’s to staying positive and testing negative,

Hayley Lowden